Naina's ba still ties bandhani the way her mother taught her, a thousand tiny knots for one dupatta. Kabir's dadi says a wedding should take at least as long. So we're giving it three days: a pithi morning, an afternoon of mehndi, a night of garba, and on Saturday the baraat, the garlands and the pheras under the marigolds at Casa Gulmohar. Come for all of it, or come for the day. Either way, come hungry.
365
days until the pheras
Our story
It started on the wrong beat
2018
Navratri in Artesia
A school gym on Pioneer Boulevard, nine nights of garba. Kabir played dandiya a full beat behind everyone else. Naina fixed his timing, then spent the rest of the night stepping on his feet.
2021
A kitchen in Pasadena
One small flat, two families' recipes and an argument about whether dal baati or undhiyu is the better Sunday lunch. It is still going. Everyone who visits is asked to vote.
2026
The ring box
Kabir borrowed the red velvet box that held his nani's ring, put a new ring in it, and asked under the jacaranda outside Naina's parents' house. Her ba knew a week before anyone else.
2027
The weekend
Both families, one courtyard, and every aunty who ever asked us when.
The weekend
Three days at Casa Gulmohar
Thu 6 pm
Ganesh sthapana & mameru
The family courtyard
Family only. A quiet puja to begin, then Naina's mama and his family arrive with the mameru, the gifts a bride receives from her mother's brother. It is their evening, and we will let them have it.
Fri 10 am
Pithi
The garden loggia
Turmeric paste for the bride and for the groom, in separate corners and with a great deal of help. Wear yellow, and nothing you'd mind turning a little gold.
Fri 2 pm
Mehndi
The lime courtyard
Henna artists until five, chai and chaat in the shade, and a lot of sitting still. Somewhere in Naina's mehndi, Kabir's initials are hidden. He has until the reception to find them.
Fri 7:30 pm
Garba & sangeet
Under the lights in the main courtyard
We start in one big garba circle, then each family takes the floor with a performance (rehearsed by one side, improvised by the other), then the dhol takes over.
Sat 3 pm
Baraat
From the gate
Kabir arrives on a white mare, with the dhol and his whole family dancing ahead of him. Join them at the gate; nobody here walks, they dance.
Sat 4 pm
Varmala & pheras
The mandap in the courtyard
First the garlands, then the wedding itself under the marigold mandap. Naina wears her panetar from her mama, then changes into her gharchola from Kabir's family. About ninety minutes, with a short guide at every seat.
Sat 7:30 pm
Reception
The courtyard, under the lights
Dinner, a few short toasts and dancing until midnight. Everything on the menu is vegetarian.
Sat 11:45 pm
Vidaai
The gate
When the music stops, walk us out to the car at the gate. It's the tender part of the night, so bring a handkerchief, and a handful of petals.
What to wear
Colour, all weekend
Pithi
Yellow, and washable
Any shade of yellow or marigold, in cotton you don't mind getting turmeric on. Sandals are perfect; the loggia floor is stone.
#f2c94c
#e8962e
#f7e3a8
Mehndi & garba
Bright and easy to dance in
Bandhani, leheriya, a chaniya choli, a kurta, or any summer dress in a strong colour. Wear flat shoes: you'll be dancing in circles for hours.
#3f6b4a
#d98a7e
#e8962e
#1e2547
The wedding
Indian formal or black tie
Sarees, lehengas, sherwanis and bandhgalas are wonderful, and so is a long dress or a dark suit. Please avoid red (Naina's colour that day) and all-white. Need something to wear? Write to us; the aunties have offered.
#c59a4b
#d98a7e
#3f6b4a
#e9b566
Reception
Evening formal
Deeper colours and a little sparkle for the night: indigo, plum, emerald, gold. It gets cool in the hills after dark; bring a shawl.
#1e2547
#5b2a4a
#35593e
#c59a4b
Getting there
Rancho Santa Fe, California
Casa Gulmohar sits in the hills east of Rancho Santa Fe, at the end of a lane of old olive trees, about 35 minutes from San Diego airport and two hours from Los Angeles. Shuttles run from both hotels on Friday and Saturday from an hour before each event, and bring everyone back after. (Casa Gulmohar is invented for this demo.)
Friday is the best day to arrive: the mehndi artists start at two, and anyone who wants henna gets it, aunties first. On Sunday morning we'll be on the lawn with masala chai, hot jalebi and whatever is left of the mithai. Come in your pyjamas if you must.
Good to know
Questions, answered
It's my first Indian wedding. What should I know?
Only that you're very welcome, and that it's long, loud and joyful. There's a short guide to the ceremony at every seat, and someone from either family will happily explain anything else.
Is the food vegetarian?
Entirely, all weekend, and the Jain dishes (no onion or garlic) are marked. There's a bar at the garba and the reception; there's no alcohol at the pithi, the mehndi or the ceremony.
Can I join the baraat?
Please do. Meet at the gate at a quarter to three on Saturday and follow the dhol. You don't need to know the steps.
Do I need to take my shoes off?
Not as a guest. Only those who go up into the mandap leave their shoes on the rug at its steps (and watch out: Naina's cousins will try to steal Kabir's).
Are children welcome?
Yes, at every event. There's a quiet room with a sitter off the courtyard from the reception dinner on.
What will the weather be like?
Mild and sunny, around 72°F in the afternoon, and cool once the sun goes down. Bring a shawl or a jacket for the evenings.
Shagun
Your blessings are the gift
Having you with us for any part of the weekend is more than enough. If you'd like to give, there's a shagun box at the welcome table, or here are two ideas.
